Disagreements and arguments occur in every marriage. 

Even people with healthy, happy marriages argue. It can actually be a good thing to productively and effectively argue with each other. 

But, when you’re having the same argument over and over again without getting anywhere, it can start to feel as though your relationship is doomed. 

Many conflicts in marriage are never resolved. As a result, those conflicts are often brought up time and again. They’re even mentioned when they have nothing to do with the situation at hand. 

That ends up creating additional and unnecessary arguments, straining your marriage.

So, how can you resolve recurring arguments? 

Identify Recurring Themes

In order to resolve recurring arguments, you first have to identify what they are. 

Every couple has unique subjects for disagreements. However, they often include things like money, family, or stress from work. 

Write down a list of the top three topics you argue about frequently. It’s a great place to start when you begin to work through those issues, knowing you’re on the same page. 

When you recognize that certain subjects create problems, you can start to focus on them. Furthermore, you can begin to strategize a way to break any negative, harmful argument patterns. 

Stay on Topic

One big mistake couples make when they’re arguing is bringing other ideas into the mix. This often happens when you have recurring arguments always lingering in the back of your mind. 

For example, you might be arguing about a financial situation. Yet, because you haven’t resolved an argument about your in-laws, you suddenly bring it up in your current argument. 

This is unproductive and ends up causing hurt feelings and defensiveness. 

When you do argue, stay on the topic at hand. Don’t bring in other subjects that haven’t been resolved just to “hit below the belt.” 

Be Empathetic Toward Your Partner

When a couple keeps arguing about the same subject over and over, there’s a good chance one (or both) of you is feeling misunderstood or unheard. 

Using empathy with your partner can help to resolve arguments even if you don’t end up agreeing. Also, validating your partner’s thoughts and feelings will communicate that you still value them even when you disagree.

Show your partner that you hear them, understand them, and acknowledge their feelings. In doing so, you can usually move on from a disagreement even if you don’t fully resolve it.

Remember, you’re on the same team. Viewing each other as the enemy makes it more difficult to find a solution. You’ll likely feel as though your ultimate end goals are different. 

Seek Help If You Need It

Sometimes, when you try to resolve recurring arguments, you’re unable to do it on your own. In these cases, marriage counseling can certainly be helpful. 

Marriage counseling introduces a third, non-biased party. Additionally, a licensed marriage counselor can guide you and your partner through different strategies and techniques for arguing. 

Yes, there is a right and wrong way to disagree!

Having the same fight over and over again can start to make you feel as though your relationship isn’t going anywhere. It’s exhausting and defeating. But, the negative cycle doesn’t have to continue.

When you put different arguing techniques in place and make a commitment to be on the same team as your partner, you’re more likely to finally resolve recurring arguments for good.

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If you still feel as though you can’t do it on your own, please contact me. I would like to help. Or, visit HERE to learn more about my services. 

We can work through the ideas behind your recurring arguments. Also, we can develop a plan for you and your partner to break the cycle, strengthening your relationship for the future.