June 27, 2020 No Comments

4 Commonly Overlooked Reasons Why Couples Fight

Every couple fights, no matter how strong and healthy your relationship is. It’s how you handle those arguments that matter, but that’s not what we’re focusing on today.

Instead, let’s go over some of the reasons why couples fight. A few things probably come to mind, including money, sex, family, etc. But, those are the subjects couples typically fight about—not necessarily the reasons.

What’s the difference? A lot of it has to do with how you’re feeling and where your head is at. When you take a closer look at it, some of the reasons why couples fight can be just plain silly!

With that in mind, let’s look at a few of those reasons. The more aware you are of what could be triggering your “fight” response, the more you can work on not letting these factors get to your relationship.


You’ve probably heard the saying “never go to bed angry,” but you probably actually should! One of the reasons why couples fight is fatigue and tiredness. When you’re tired, you’re more likely to lose focus on the conversation, which can cause you to toss out criticisms that have nothing to do with the current argument.

Unfortunately, that could leave to an even bigger argument. It’s an endless cycle, and you’ll only get exhausted as it goes on.

When you’re tired, you’re also more irritable. You may be more likely to take things the wrong way or “snap” at your partner when you don’t mean it.

So, if you’re feeling fatigued, it’s okay to take a step back. Let your partner know you’re tired, and get some rest before diving into an intense discussion.


The Snickers commercials that suggest you’re not yourself when you’re hungry are onto something. There are a few reasons why hunger can contribute to irritability.

First of all, if you’re prone to feeling “moody,” in general, you might have naturally-lower levels of serotonin in the brain. When your body is hungry, those serotonin levels can drop more, causing you to become angrier. Or, as some people like to say, “hangry.”

Another reason hunger can be a significant reason why couples fight? It causes a drop in your blood sugar levels. That can make you feel weak and tired, and we already know that fatigue is a trigger!


Stress is unavoidable; a little pressure can even be a good thing. But, when you’re feeling overwhelmed by stress, it can cause you to “snap” and become easily-irritated.

You might think you can’t handle one more thing or add something new to your load. So, if your partner suggests something or brings up a topic, you might find yourself wanting to argue for no reason.

Built-Up Resentment

Perhaps one of the more severe reasons why couples fight is a build-up of emotions that you haven’t adequately expressed. Maybe you’re frustrated with your partner for something they did weeks ago, and you haven’t let it go.

Or, maybe it’s not your partner at all that has you on edge. It could be work, a family member or friend, etc. But, your partner is an easy target even when they haven’t done anything wrong.

Holding onto negative feelings is like a pot of water on a hot stove. Eventually, unless the heat source is removed, it’s going to boil over. You can’t hold your emotions inside forever, so it’s important to communicate them effectively.

If you find yourself fighting with your partner frequently and you live in the San Francisco Bay area, feel free to contact us or visit our page on couples counseling. Together, we can get to the bottom of your arguments and figure out what might be causing them.

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