No matter how strong and stable a relationship is, a sexual connection is important. But not everyone has the same sex drive so it may seem difficult to get on the same page.

Communication is key when it comes to working through mismatched libidos. That doesn’t always mean it will be easy when one partner wants to initiate sex and the other doesn’t.

So, what can you do to reach a mutual understanding about your sex life? How can you make a relationship work if you have mismatched sex drives?

Why Mismatched Libidos Are a Problem

Even if an active sexual relationship doesn’t seem like a priority in your relationship, don’t assume everything is okay. If one partner is consistently trying to engage in sex and the other is turning them down, it can create problems quickly.

The partner getting turned down can start to feel as though something is wrong with them. It can affect their self-esteem, making them feel as though the relationship is doomed.

It can lead to a lot of frustration and misunderstandings, especially if you aren’t communicating effectively.

Additionally, the partner who is avoiding sex can start to feel shame and guilt, knowing they’re rejecting what their partner really wants.

There is no one concrete cause for a lack of sexual desire. Mismatched libidos could be the result of a medical issue, loss of interest, a performance issue, or even just life getting in the way.

How to Make Your Relationship Work

When you do have mismatched libidos, there are a few things to keep in mind to ensure your relationship stays on solid ground.

First, avoid getting angry. If you’re the “rejected” partner, try not to complain or get upset even if the situation hurt your feelings.

Instead, try asking your partner if they need something from you. Let them know you’re curious as to why you don’t have sex as much as you used to. Opening the door to a conversation might be exactly what your relationship needs.

Another way to feel closer is to connect intimately in other ways. Try taking sex off the table completely for a while.

When there isn’t any pressure, you might find that you come up with other ways to get closer. Sometimes, a lower sex drive can be a result of low intimacy in the relationship. When you commit to building intimacy in other ways, it could lead to an increase in libido.

Make a Conscious Effort

Although you can’t force arousal, making a conscious effort to work with your partner can certainly influence their mood. If you’ve communicated with your partner about the issues with your sex life, you might find that scheduling it can be helpful. Life tends to get in the way of things, including sexual intimacy.

So work with your partner and make a commitment to have sex once a week, or whatever is most comfortable for you. You might not be in the mood at first, but there’s a good chance if you feel connected with your partner, you will enjoy it.

Of course, if you’re really not into it and want to stop, you need to make sure your partner is on board with that as well. Building up your libido can take time, and there may be setbacks along the way. That’s why communication is so important.

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If you’re struggling with mismatched libidos in your relationship, feel free to contact me in Oakland, CA. I can work with you and your partner to unveil some possible underlying causes. From there, we can work on even more ways to improve your intimacy and strengthen your relationship.

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