Many reasons exist why relationships fizzle out. One common phrase we hear is, “I’m not attracted to my partner anymore.” While it seems like an easy enough thing to understand on the surface, what does that truly mean?
When you say you’re not attracted to your partner, are there other underlying issues? What has caused you to become less attracted? Is it just a physical thing, or does the lack of attraction go deeper than that?
So, while saying “I’m not as attracted to my partner anymore” might seem like an easy answer for a failing relationship, it’s crucial to understand what that means, and if it’s possible to change it.
Determine the Cause
At one point, you were probably attracted to your partner. At the beginning of your relationship, you may have even thought they were the most appealing person in the world. So, ask yourself what changed?
Have they gained weight? Has their appearance drastically changed?
Maybe it’s something that goes beyond the way they look. Did they lose their job? Have they lost their zest for adventure? Are they not fulfilling your needs?
When you get to the root of the problem and understand why you’re not attracted to them anymore, you can decide what to do about it.
You may still love that person, but the “lust” aspect isn’t there. It’s common for someone in a relationship to want commitment still, but they no longer want a sexual relationship due to their lack of physical attraction.
Is It a Deal Breaker?
If you find yourself saying, “I’m not as attracted to my partner anymore,” you also need to figure out what that means for you.
For example, is the relationship strong enough to survive without that attraction? How important is something like an active sex life?
If you choose not to be intimate with your partner, it will undoubtedly raise some questions and could even cause tension in the relationship—for both of you.
Keep in mind that relationships do go through shifts. If everything else in your relationship feels right, and you love your partner, that attraction might someday return. You might find yourself in a “wait it out” situation. If you genuinely believe the relationship can work out over time, patience is vital.
In the meantime, though, it’s important to talk to your partner about the way you feel. Don’t be accusatory, but if there are things they can do to change the way you see them, they deserve to know.
Furthermore, they deserve a chance to work on the relationship if it’s what they really want. If they feel they can’t change, or they don’t want to, they also reserve the right to walk away from the relationship. You can’t force someone to be someone they’re not. Their happiness is just as important in the relationship.
Commit Yourself to the Relationship
In some cases, a lack of attraction might mean it’s time to end the relationship entirely and move on. In others, you might be willing to stick it out and work through the issues you’re facing together.
Couples therapy, as well as individual counseling, can help with these issues. You may be dealing with more underlying problems than you realize, and using a lack of attraction to your partner as a way to comfortably bring them to the surface.
If you’re in the San Francisco Bay area, feel free to contact me for more information or to set up an appointment. Please, visit my couples counseling page [insert specialty page link] to learn more.
The change in your attraction level toward your partner doesn’t automatically doom your relationship. I’ll help you with the right resources and skills to make it work if you’re willing to look deeper into the way you’re feeling.