Every couple argues. Whether the arguments are big or small, there are tools you can use to navigate through them successfully. Also, there are also things you should do to make up the right way after an argument.
Making up after an argument is about more than just mumbling apologies and feeling awkward around each other for a few days. When you’re really able to work through the aftermath with your partner, you can move on much faster, and your relationship will be stronger.
During an argument, both individuals need to feel respected enough in the relationship to talk openly. They also need to feel secure enough not to hold back their feelings. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always make the pain an argument can cause any easier.
So, let’s go through some dos and don’ts when it comes to how you should work with your partner after an argument.
Don’t Brush It Under the Rug
Some couples try to move on by acting as though the argument didn’t happen. Unfortunately, that’s one of the worst things you can do. You’re not actually “making up” that way, you’re just harboring hurt feelings.
Those feelings can continue to grow inside you because things didn’t get resolved. As a result, when you have another argument, those feelings might come up again. Pretending a fight didn’t happen usually only makes things worse.
Take Time to Cool Off
You don’t need to apologize and make up with your partner immediately. If you try to work it out too quickly with emotions still running high, you run the risk of getting into the same argument again.
Give yourself some time and space to cool down after an argument. Take a walk, sleep on it, do something that relaxes you, etc. You and your partner may need different amounts of time before you’re both in a place to talk. If you need more time and your partner is ready to talk, simply tell them you’re not ready, and they should respect that.
Fix the Initial Problem
Many times, arguments get so out of control, that they end up in a completely different place from where they started. If you’re going to make up after an argument, there has to be some kind of resolution for what caused the fight, to begin with.
It could be something as simple as washing the dishes after dinner, or not putting your feet on the sofa. Obviously, these are pretty easy things to fix.
If the argument was the result of something more serious, talk to your partner about what you both can do to fix that initial problem. When you focus on that common goal, you can work together to come to a resolution that works for both of you.
Locate the Deeper Issues
Most of the time, an argument is just an argument. You can disagree about things, work through it, and move on.
Sometimes, though, couples argue about small things because there are deeper underlying issues that haven’t come to the surface. If you feel that you’re having a lot of arguments with your partner, don’t be afraid to dig into different possibilities.
How are you feeling in your relationship? How are they feeling?
Talking about these underlying issues isn’t always easy. If you’re worried there might be something more serious at the root of your arguments and you’re in the San Francisco Bay area, feel free to contact me. Or, visit here [insert specialty page link] to learn more about how I can help you.
We can work through the possible underlying cause(s) of why your relationship is struggling. From there, you can learn even more positive and effective ways to argue, and what you can do after an argument to make up the right way.