It can be hard enough for a couple to find alone time together when there aren’t kids in the picture. But for parents, being able to keep the spark alive can feel impossible at times.
No married couple wants to experience any kind of “slump.” Keep in mind, though, a slump doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the relationship. Still, it’s important to make sure that kids, schedules, and lifestyles don’t get in the way of the passion you have for each other.
So, how can you keep the spark alive in the midst of soccer practices, music recitals, and rushing out the door to drop the kids off at school each morning?
Let’s look at five easy tips you can start using today to keep that flame burning bright.
Do Something Unexpected
Couples with kids easily fall into various routines. Your pattern might include a morning routine of getting out the door for work or school, picking the kids up later, etc. While these routines are important, they can make things feel stagnant after awhile.
So, do something unexpected for your spouse. Set up a surprise dinner at their favorite restaurant. Send them flowers to their office for no reason. Leave them a little note on the bathroom mirror.
Anything you can do that is out of the ordinary will pull them from the routine. Even if it’s just for a moment, creating a mini-vacation from the pattern can be a great way to re-ignite that spark.
Keep Communication Strong
Communication is the key to any successful marriage. So, don’t just communicate when you’re both at home.
Check in with your spouse throughout the day. Send them a text, an email, or chat on the phone during your lunch break.
This will help you both to feel more connected, and you’re less likely to get overwhelmed by the stresses of the day.
Find More Alone Time
Even though your schedules are packed and you might be exhausted, you have to make it a priority to find quality alone time with your partner. Maybe you could wake up 15 minutes earlier each morning. Or, put the kids to bed a few minutes earlier at night.
When you do get that alone time, make sure you’re focusing all of your attention on your spouse. Listen to them, talk openly, offer physical contact, etc. Dedicate a bit of time each day solely to connect with your partner.
Cut Down Distractions
You might have more alone time with your spouse already than you realize, but you’re too distracted by other things to take advantage of it.
Unsurprisingly, the biggest culprit of this is technology. While it can be a big help in some ways, it can also make you feel more disconnected than ever—even to someone sitting right next to you.
If you find yourself checking emails on your phone over your morning coffee when you could be talking to your partner, make a change. If you’re watching your favorite show together at night but you’re both on your laptops, shut them down.
You can find more quality time by changing some of your habits. Something as simple as this can make you feel closer than ever.
You don’t have to wait until your marriage is struggling to seek out professional support. A therapist can help you to develop more strategies that can keep the spark alive in your marriage, no matter how busy your schedules might be.
If you’re in the San Francisco Bay area and you’re worried your marriage has lost its spark, feel free to contact me. Or, visit here [insert specialty page link] to learn more about how I can help you.
Together, we can talk more about the state of your marriage and how you can reconnect with each other, even as busy parents.