Having a date night as a married couple isn’t a bad thing. It can keep your spark alive, make you feel more connected, and it’s a good way to make time for your relationship.
But, if you’re having marital problems, date night isn’t enough.
Some people use date night as a way to “fix” things. They think that by spending that specific time with their spouse, the rest of their relationship problems will go away.
Unfortunately, most of the underlying issues you might be facing in your marriage are usually left out of the conversation during a date.
Date night isn’t enough because it doesn’t give you the chance to dig beneath the surface. Let’s look at a few potential problems your marriage could be facing, and why date night isn’t enough to solve them.
Maybe you started doing date nights as a couple to have some time to yourselves, away from the kids. That’s a fine first step, but if the kids are causing problems in your relationship and you’re not talking about it, you’re just scratching the surface.
You might have different parenting styles, or you’re burned out because of your kids’ schedules. Your children shouldn’t be in the middle of your marital problems. So, talking about any issues your relationship is facing that have to do with your children is important. Plus, if you don’t address those issues, your children might eventually pick up on them, and feel the tension.
Lack of Intimacy
Date night isn’t enough to rekindle your sex life if you don’t talk about the problems you’re facing with it. While going on a date can make you feel closer, it’s probably not the best time to talk about issues you have in the bedroom.
A lack of intimacy often stems from a lack of communication. If your sex life has been lacking lately, a date night is only going to be a temporary fix.
Instead, talk regularly about what’s going on in the bedroom and how you can work together as a couple to connect better.
Date night is a great idea if you haven’t had much time together lately. But, date night isn’t enough to solve your scheduling problems. It’s a quick fix and a way to spend time together, but it doesn’t get to the root of the issue. Once the date is over, you’ll still have busy schedules that will likely still create conflict.
Instead, it’s important to talk about your schedules and what you can do to find more ways to connect. Quality time is necessary for a healthy relationship. But, it’s what you do during that quality time that makes a difference.
No one is perfect. Your spouse might display an annoying habit. Or, maybe there was a recent situation you thought they handled poorly, but you never spoke up about it. Date night probably isn’t going to be the time or place to hash those things out.
In fact, it might even be hard to enjoy the date if you’re holding onto those issues. Again, communication is key. Talk about what’s been bothering you before you go on your date, so you can enjoy the time together.
Again, no one is perfect. But, we all have expectations. When your spouse isn’t living up to the expectations you’ve created, it can cause conflict in the relationship. Unfortunately, they may not sense the dissatisfaction. If they do, they might not know why it’s there—not until you’re ready to talk about your expectations.
Keep in mind that your expectations may not be realistic. Or, some of them might be while others are impossible. The important thing is to make them clear to your spouse. Make sure you understand their expectations, too.
Date night isn’t enough to solve your marital problems. But, if you start to get to the root of some of the underlying issues in your relationship, date night can be a great way to regularly connect.
If you’re in the Berkeley, CA area and you’re struggling with marital issues, feel free to contact me for help. Or, visit here [insert specialty page] to learn more about how I can help.