June 27, 2020 No Comments

3 Ways EFT Can Help Diffuse the Tension In Relationships

No relationship is perfect. You’re bound to have arguments from time to time. Tension in relationships also isn’t uncommon, but that doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.

When you let the tension in relationships continue to rise without addressing it, you might find that you argue with your partner more frequently. Or, if you keep it inside, you may end up resenting them.

Underlying anger towards each other can be challenging to deal with in a relationship. If you feel like you’ve tried everything, or you’re not sure where to start, you might consider trying Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

EFT can be used to repair the bond within your relationship through a series of conversations and tasks. When you use EFT to ease the tension in relationships, you’ll not only get closer with your partner, but you’ll learn how to diffuse that tension for years to come.

Let’s look at three ways EFT can help to calm the tension in relationships so that yours can become stronger than ever.

Getting to the Root of Destructive Conversations

One of the first things EFT does for couples is help to identify negative or cynical remarks. These could be things you say during arguments or just stuff you tell your partner regularly.

You might not realize just how damaging some of the things you say genuinely are. So, identifying them is an excellent place to start when it comes to easing tension because the fix is easy; you learn to stop using destructive language.

When you learn how to use more productive and healthy language with each other, you can better understand what the other person is saying and what they need. This approach creates a more comfortable and calm environment between the two of you.

Finding the Areas of Pain

No one enjoys looking at the raw spots in a relationship. But, when it comes to diffusing tension, it’s necessary. That’s especially true if you’ve been avoiding revisiting those rough areas for some time.

One way to do this is to revisit a particular moment in your relationship that was painful. You’ll de-escalate from that moment, talking about why it hurt then, and how you feel about it now.

When you can learn to repair damages that have happened in the past, you’ll build up emotional safety within your relationship. That can increase your trust in one another, and allow you to feel more vulnerable.

Hold Me Tight

EFT was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. In 2008, Dr. Johnson released a book specifically designed for couples using EFT called Hold Me Tight.

While the previous conversations are all mentioned in the book, the heart of it is holding your partner tightly. What does that mean? It’s a conversation that encourages you to engage with each other more deeply. Have more meaningful conversations. Be open and accessible to one another.

Many times, the tension in relationships builds because we create walls around ourselves. It’s often a defense mechanism, but it can limit your relationship bond and cause rifts without you even realizing it.

By holding onto your partner, literally and figuratively, you’re opening yourself up to a world of trusting them, and vice versa. Not only does it break up the tension, but it brings you closer.

If you’d like to know more about EFT and you live in the Berkeley, CA area, feel free to contact me. Or, visit my page on [insert specialty page link] to learn more about how I can help you.

Again, your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect. But, if you’ve been feeling the tension for a while and you’re worried about it causing your relationship to crumble, it’s okay to reach out for help.


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