Marriages end for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they’re amicable; sometimes they’re contentious. However, you don’t have to let a previous marriage stop you from finding love again.
Having a successful second marriage is possible. Though it’s essential to avoid the issues that may have caused problems in your first marriage.
Understand that you and your new spouse both will likely come with emotional layers. Even if they weren’t married before, they’ve probably dated others. One (or both) of you may also have children.
You’re coming into a second marriage from a different place and time in your life, and keeping everything open and honest is the most significant thing to keep in mind. There are a few additional things you need for a successful second marriage. Let’s take a look at three of them.
Commit to Vulnerability
You might feel more closed off now than you did in your previous marriage. One of the keys to any relationship is communication. However, opening up during a conversation doesn’t always feel easy when you’ve had a failed marriage. You might feel guarded and closed off simply because you’re trying to protect yourself from the patterns of the past.
You have to be willing to be vulnerable with your new spouse. That doesn’t mean you need to do it all at once. Take small steps to show your vulnerability, and expect the same from them.
Discuss small issues and share how they make you feel. Over time, you can move on to more significant problems as you’ve developed more trust and intimacy.
Prepare for Conflicts
Disagreements in a marriage are not a bad thing. How you deal with those disagreements is what makes the difference. Conflicts can be worked out effectively and can make your marriage even stronger.
It’s easy to slip back into old argument styles, but it’s crucial to commit to being different in this marriage. Practice active listening, use “I” statements instead of “you” statements, and take a break by walking away for a few minutes if things become too heated.
Additionally, keep the dialogue open. That doesn’t mean bringing up old arguments all the time. It means keeping things open, so you don’t hold things inside and start to resent them.
When you feel like you have to bite your tongue around your partner to keep the peace, things will only get worse. When you can argue the right way, as a couple, it makes life much more comfortable.
Remember those emotional layers we talked about earlier? Don’t allow yourself to hang onto yours or your partner’s. Forgive their past and expect them to forgive yours. That also includes not bringing up mistakes they may have made in their first marriage when you disagree, or you’re not happy with them.
If you run into problems now, forgive them. They aren’t perfect, and neither are you. Getting married again can heighten your senses and make you more tuned in to potential problems because you’re worried about the marriage failing still. Instead of focusing on your spouse’s flaws, focus on forgiving them.
A successful second marriage takes work from both people. But, it’s another chance at romantic happiness. Avoid the pitfalls of comparing it to your first marriage, and be willing to make positive changes in your life to make it work.
If you’re in your second marriage or you’re going to get married, and you’re worried about it, feel free to contact me. Or, visit my [specialty page link] for more details.
I’m happy to help people/couples in the Berkeley, CA area who might be struggling with how to make their marriage work from the start.